ῴ Positive Discipline for Today's Busy (and Overwhelmed) Parent: How to Balance Work, Parenting, and Self for Lasting Well-Being list ῾ PDF by Jane Nelsen Ed.D. „
ῴ Positive Discipline for Today's Busy (and Overwhelmed) Parent: How to Balance Work, Parenting, and Self for Lasting Well-Being list ῾ PDF by Jane Nelsen Ed.D. „ Chapter 1History and ResearchUnderstanding Our Problems Better Helps Us Find SolutionsAs we found out earlier, the top parenting challenges for the professional parent are lack of time, performance pressures, and an overwhelming amount of advice and strategies Unfortunately, we cannot give you timewe all have twenty four hours per day What we can and will give you are tools that will help you wisely prioritize how to invest the time you have to make your parenting as effective as possible We cant take away the pressure to compete that exists in our society, but we can and will provide you with a deeper, enlightened viewpoint on personal wellness, parenting, and life choices To help you choose the right path, we can also provide you with a guiding light through all the advice and suggestions that are out there We will start by looking at research, the history of psychiatry, and brain development, thereby increasing our understanding of what important factors influence effective parenting.Supporting Evidence for Positive DisciplineParenting research for several decades has focused on identifying which parenting practices are most effective Numerous studies show a direct correlation between parenting style and the childs levels of self regulation, overall life satisfaction, academic achievement, alcohol use, aggression, and oppositional behavior.One of the most rigorous studies in this field was conducted by Diane Baumrind, whose longitudinal parenting style research at Berkeley spanned several decades Baumrind systematically examined how parenting impacts the social and psychological adjustment, academic success, and general well being of children and adolescents She summarized her own research this way Adolescents from authoritative but not authoritarian families showed by far the most social competence, maturity and optimism Authoritative parenting is what we call Positive Discipline parentingkind and firm, not controlling and not permissive Children who were raised in an authoritative atmosphere also scored the highest on verbal and mathematical achievement tests.Baumrinds research and the research of others shows that punishment and reward are not effective long term, and in fact negatively impact the development of self regulation, intrinsic motivation, and the quality of family relationships A number of faulty and destructive beliefs and behaviors are created by punished children We call them the 5 Rs of Punishment resentment This is unfair, I cant trust adults , rebellion Ill do just the opposite to prove I dont have to do it their way , revenge They are winning now, but Ill get even , retreat I wont get caught next time , and reduced self esteem I am a worthless person Authoritarian domineering parents who are highly directive because they value immediate obedience are ineffective in the long term.Baumrinds findings further illustrate how a permissive parenting style is just as damaging as punishment Few demands are made on children, and the lack of structure and routine coupled with overindulgence even in the name of love leaves children with ineffective life skills Permissiveness invites children to develop beliefs and behaviors such as selfishness Love means I should be able to do whatever I want , helplessness I need you to take care of me because Im not capable of responsibility , and low resilience Im depressed because you dont cater to my every demand.Baumrinds work supports Positive Disciplines kind and firm parenting model, which focuses on the practical application of the same methods Baumrind and others identify as influential in positive child and adolescent development Each of the Positive Discipline tools in this book is designed to help you practically apply what is well identified in the research and, as such, most beneficial for family relationships and child development.Alfred AdlerAlfred Adler was a Viennese doctor, and one of the original creators of the field of psychiatry in the late 1800s, along with Freud, Jung, and others By observation and experimentation, Adler came to the conclusion that humans are fundamentally social beings, and that our primary goal is therefore to belong connection and to feel significant through a sense of purpose and contribution When people dont feel a sense of belonging and significance they feel inferior In their efforts to overcome this feeling of inferiority, they make all kinds of mistakes Those mistakes often are identified as misbehavior Adler believed misbehavior was based on faulty beliefs such as I will feel good enough only if I get lots of attention, or only if I am the boss, or only if I hurt others as I feel hurt, or only if I give up and assume that I am inadequate we call this only if thinking These beliefs form what Adler called the private logic of each individual, which is a subconscious process that starts in early childhood.Children and adults are always making decisions about themselves am I good or bad, adequate or inadequate, capable or incapable , about others are they encouraging or discouraging , about the world is it a safe or threatening place , and consequently about what they need to do can I thrive through encouragement or merely survive misbehave in discouragement Seen another way, Adler taught that events invite thoughts, which often turn into a belief, which in turn invites a feeling that, finally, inspires behavior We often refer to this cycle as think, feel, do, and we invite participants in our workshops to engage in this process when working on uncovering mistaken beliefs.Repetition of socially unacceptable behavior subsequently comes out of this mistaken private belief system It is therefore not sufficient to address the behavior Instead, the only way to change behavior permanently is to help an individual change his or her mistaken underlying beliefs Adler believed the best way to do this is through encouragement that helps people experience the deep need to belong as social beings, and to feel capable through contribution This way the negative subconscious beliefs are replaced by positive beliefs, leading to fruitful behavior His was a philosophy of treating everyone including children with dignity and respect This in many ways makes him a man well ahead of his time and current than ever His thinking was in opposition to another trend in behavioral psychology that some may be familiar with, behaviorism, which advocated achieving change by affecting the observable behaviors through punishments and rewards.Rudolf Dreikurs was a psychiatrist and colleague of Adler He continued practicing the Adlerian philosophy after the death of Adler in 1937, and continued his work in America Instead of confining it to the psychiatric office, however, he took this philosophy of equality, dignity, and respect for all to parents and teachers through open forum demonstrations, where he counseled parents and teachers in front of an audience Dreikurs referred to his and Adlers philosophy as democratic freedom with order , as opposed to authoritarian order without freedom or anarchistic freedom without order In his practice, he used this three dimensional model to examine how parents influence their children Dreikurs identified the democratic parenting style as most beneficial which, as we saw earlier, has been confirmed in Baumrinds work Dreikurs advocated a responsive yet firm approach to leadership at home as well as in schools in order to help children feel a sense of belonging and contribution Adler and Dreikurs both recognized the need for respectful discipline designed to teach problem solving and other important life skills, thereby addressing any mistaken underlying beliefs In 1972, Dreikurs published a book about his model called Children The Challenge.The Development of Positive DisciplineIn 1981, Dr Jane Nelsen, a student of Adlerian psychology, self published the book Positive Discipline, based on her experiences of using the philosophy of Adler and Dreikurs and teaching it to parents and teachers as an elementary school counselor In the beginning, many thought Positive Discipline meant they could learn to punish in a positive way It took them a while to get used to the idea of eliminating all punishment and reward in favor of encouragement and joint problem solving to address the basic needs of children to belong and feel significant through contribution Her book provided a workable model for how to apply Adlers and Dreikurss principles to parenting and teaching It taught that although punishment and rewards work in the short term with obedience and compliance as a result, the concern is with the long term consequences, which can be damaging.A childs behavior, like the tip of the iceberg, is what we see However, the hidden base of the iceberg much larger than the tip represents both the belief behind the behavior and the childs deepest need for belonging and significance Positive Discipline addresses both the behavior and the belief behind the behavior Our task as parents and educators is to help children find belonging and significance in socially useful ways We begin by 1 understanding and addressing mistaken beliefs about how to achieve belonging and significance and 2 teaching skills that meet this need in socially useful ways.Adler and Dreikurs taught, A misbehaving child is a discouraged child When children misbehave they usually have a mistaken belief about how to gain a sense of belonging Most parents react to the behavior with some kind of punishment blame, shame, or pain This only confirms a childs belief that he or she doesnt belong, creating a vicious cycle of discouragement In most cases, the childs belief that he or she doesnt belong in the family is shocking to parents They wonder, How can my child believe she doesnt belong How could she not know how much I love her This doesnt make sense How and why do children create their beliefs, especially when they dont make sense to us As weve seen, according to Adlerian psychology, we know that humans have a fundamental need for belonging and significance, and when we perceive realistically or not that this need is not being met, we misbehave The reason this need is unmet is that our faulty belief system makes us misinterpret events and actions of others For children, whose belief system is being formed, this is significant, and the clue to this misinterpretation can be found in the development of the human brain.Brain DevelopmentBrain development happens in stages Our instinctual and emotional centers the amygdala and the limbic brain develop first, and the thinking, logical brain the neocortex later Children may therefore be able to experience and perceive the world through their senses, but their thinking and logical ability are not yet fully developed This comes later, in adolescence and early adulthood Children, therefore, are good perceivers but poor interpreters of the world around them.Further research shows that childrens brains work on a different wavelength than the brains of adults delta waves up until age two, and theta waves from ages two to six This enables children 1 to absorb a huge amount of data very quickly, which is essential because they need to learn how to survive in their environment, and 2 to be suggestible, so they can quickly alter their behavior to adapt to changes in their environment and growing cognitive ability However, the ability to critically assess the data comes at a later developmental stage and another brain wave pattern In other words, children are simply not yet able to see the big picture and engage in higher level thinking, such as figuring out complex cause and effect patterns Parents unaware of brain development may think of the child as a mini adult This often leads to them asking their children to engage in behavior that is not yet age appropriate When children dont, it is seen as misbehavior This is why it is so important to get into the childs world to understand the childs private logic.Many parents may understand what they are supposed to do but lack the tools and insight to know how to do it Understanding the history and theory of parenting and child development helps you grasp the importance of the underlying principles of Positive Discipline In this book, you will learn to understand the beliefs your children form as they interact with the world, and the tools, the how, you can use to empower your children to adopt encouraging beliefs.Chapter 2The Encouragement ModelA little boy finds a lovely cocoon in his garden He watches it intently every day since he knows there is a butterfly inside One day he can see little cracks in the surface of the cocoon as the butterfly is starting to emerge Excited and wanting to be helpful, the little boy gently peels off the layers of the cocoon to reveal the butterfly inside The butterfly tries to open its wings but has no strength, as it did not have an opportunity to build its muscles by breaking out of the cocoon The little butterfly dies in the boys hands.Positive Discipline Provides the SolutionTime and time again we see how parents misguided love leads to overprotection and the stymieing of childrens ability to develop the resilience and intrinsic motivation they need to be happy, contributing, well adjusted members of their communities So, you ask, am I to allow my child to suffer when I can help ease her struggles Well, actually, true suffering occurs when children grow up without developing a sense of capability, confidence, and the joy of contribution Alfred Adler taught, Every human being strives for significance, but people always make mistakes if they do not recognize that their significance lies in their contribution to the lives of others.Youll find many tools in this book that foster capability, and you will also hear over and over how important it is to avoid lecturing, punishing, and inconsistent displays of affection Our job as parents is to gently let our children experience both the good and the difficult and to be there with love and support to help them make sense of the world There is of course no way we can be there always and forever to protect them and sort things out for them What we can do is help them cope and thrive and provide them with the life skills they need to handle lifes ups and downs It is not your job to make your children suffer, but it is your job to allow them to suffer in a supportive atmosphere where you teach skills so they can build their resiliency muscles.Positive Discipline is an encouragement model Since a misbehaving child is also a discouraged child, Dreikurs taught that a child needs encouragement like a plant needs water All of the tools we share with you are encouraging to children and to parents They are designed to increase a sense of belonging and significance, and thus solve for the belief behind the behavior To be specific, they meet all five of the criteria for Positive Discipline that have been developed over decades of experience Even though all Positive Discipline tools are designed to meet these criteria, it is essential to understand that they are based on Adlerian principles They are not effective if used as techniques based on a script When you understand the principles upon which a tool is based, and add your own wisdom and experience, you will find your own unique way to apply these tools.As a parent of a toddler, as a business owner, as a woman on the go thisbook provides the necessary blueprint for raising a well rounded child and creating a peaceful home Rachel Paige Goldstein, Founder of Agent of Change Events This is a welcome book for all parents juggling work and raising children With an understanding of the complexities of career and families, the authors address what matters most for children to be understood and nurtured, especially when they are having a hard time This caring and straightforward approach will help parents know what their children need and empower them to stay connected while providing appropriate limits Tovah P Klein, Ph.D ,Executive Director, Barnard College Center for Toddler Development Now than ever, it is critical that parents impart in their children an intrinsic and upbeat tool kit for self discipline, empathy and developing character Positive Discipline for Todays Busy and Overwhelmed Parentis a compassionate, practical, and psychologically grounded guide for parents who are eager to stay connected to their children in real life, helping them face life challenges with self control and optimism Dr Catherine Steiner Adair, author of The Big Disconnect Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age As a progressive educator, school leader, and parent of twin boys, I find Nelsen, Bill, and Marchese s advice to beas timeless as it is timely,as profound as it is simple,andas inspiring as it is instructive The authors give us permission to humanize both ourselves and our children, and they remind us that effective parenting involves being with rather than doing to our kids JED LIPPARD, Ed.D., Dean of Children s Programs and Head of the School for Children at Bank Street College of Education Every parent needs to own Positive Discipline for Todays Busy and Overwhelmed Parent An honest read that will make you feel like you are not alone This book will give you the tools you need to parent better in the modern world and will build your confidence as a parent Lyss Stern, CEODivamoms.com, best selling author and mom of three I m so grateful to Positive Discipline for reminding everyone how important it is to be kind AND firm when parenting These practices help me raise self reliant problem solvers and I know they will help you too.Joy is one of Positive Discipline s leading disciples, and this book is an invaluable parenting and coaching tool Kristen Glosserman, Life Coach and mother of four Positive Discipline Dr Jane Nelsen The Official Positive Website by Founder Nelsen Solutions for Parents and Teachers Association Home has become a global organization with trainers in over countries throughout the world Many of training materials have been translated or are process being About Click Here to download PDF version What is program developed It based on work Alfred Adler Rudolf Dreikurs designed teach young people responsible, respectful Classic Guide Helping Children For twenty five years, gold standard reference grown ups working children Now Nelsen, distinguished psychologist, educator, mother seven, written revised expanded edition A Teacher s Z Guide, Revised nd Take Back Classroom Make Difference Your Students Lives teachers today facing problems discipline issues they never dreamed Seven Tips Practicing Talking Get positive tips that will set your child path better behavior without threats, bribes, yelling Encouragement vs Praise helping develop courage grow into want be feel capable, resilient, enjoy life, happy, contributing members society, and, as said, To imperfect, free make mistakes learn from them Discipline Behavior Christian County School If you any comments questions about content posted this website, please contact Board Education at ᗶ Text ዚ The Return of Marco Polo's World: War, Strategy, and American Interests in the Twenty-First Century download ᚯ By Robert D. Kaplan 퇄 de France un nouvel lan ducatif, une pdagogie par l encouragement qui permet d duquer avec juste autorit dans la fermet et bienveillance, coopration responsabilisation Dcouvrir approfondir, en famille cole, les outils dveloppent chez enfant comptences sociales indispensables pour vie Attention Seeking Behaviors Kelly Pfeiffer founder owner Think Through Parenting Certified Lead Trainer, teaches live interactive workshops parents care providers development, social emotional skills, self parents, conflict resolution families tools licensed Marriage Family Therapist Child Counselor San Diego, CA doctorate degree Educational Psychology University Francisco secondary education experience she achieved her successes failures seven Positive Discipline for Today's Busy (and Overwhelmed) Parent: How to Balance Work, Parenting, and Self for Lasting Well-Being
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- Positive Discipline for Today's Busy (and Overwhelmed) Parent: How to Balance Work, Parenting, and Self for Lasting Well-Being
- Jane Nelsen Ed.D.
- 2016-07-14T10:21+03:00 Jane Nelsen Ed.D.